Ella and I were
arguing again. Jayden had come over without my permission. The heat of the
summer had agitated my blood. It pressed against my body like a deranged lover
and sweat dripped down my back in rivulets. It annoyed me that Jayden was fully
healed. He had become focused on his health and he trained at the gym every
day. His near-death experience enlightened him. He wanted to be a doctor and
become successful and leave town. I wanted to see him bloody on the sidewalk. I
knew it wasn’t good. I knew what I was thinking was wrong but I couldn’t help
it.
Jayden walked with a
swagger that was usually reserved for arrogant street thugs; but in him it
projected as quiet confidence. He was nauseatingly polite and never got angry.
He was always gentle with Ella and always brought a gift to the house when he
came over. He was frustratingly perfect.
“You can’t just invite
him over,” I snapped.
“Why not? I can do
whatever I want. He’s my boyfriend. He’s good for me,” Ella reasoned.
“I don’t want him
here.”
“Then we’ll leave.”
Chantel gently pulled
Ella aside and whispered something in her ear. Ella nodded and went to her
room. Of course, Graycen had God-given timing and had to appear right then.
“What’s going on?” he
asked.
Chatel made a sweeping
gesture towards me. “King Daniel of egotistic-ville has declared Jayden cannot
be in this house.” She put her hands on her hips and disappeared into the
kitchen.
Graycen ran his
fingers through his hair. He was getting a salt-and-pepper look.
“Daniel, we’ve talked
about this. Please don’t make a big deal out of this.”
“Oh I’m sorry that I
care about our girl’s integrity. She’s sleeping with him!”
“So what? She’s safe
that’s all that matters. Daniel, she’s seventeen. She’s starting college in the
Autumn.”
“She isn’t ready to
leave.”
“No, you’re not ready
for her to leave. Face it, Daniel, nothing fulfills you. You’re bored and
restless and taking it out on innocent people.”
“No, I’m not,” I
snapped.
“Just think about how
you come across. Your cold demeanor, guarded answers, mood swings, and your tendency
to disassociate. Daniel, please talk to someone. Finally, get some help.”
“I don’t need help. I
need Jayden out of Ella’s life. You’re right that Ella needs to explore and
travel the world and leave town but Jayden must go.”
Graycen grabbed my
shoulders and squeezed. “No.”
I shoved him. He was
going to ruin Ella’s life. I had to stop him. I lunged and Graycen immediately
put me in my place. My cheek kissed the floor and my hands pinned behind my
back like I was a murder suspect.
“You are using Ella as
a crutch. You’re afraid that she doesn’t actually fill the void in you,” he
whispered like the devil.
He knew me inside and
out. Why would he bare my deepest fears? He was doing it again. Time and time
again, he told me “Are
you sure? What if you mess up? It’s not like you can go back in time and
reverse it.” Or “You can barely take responsibility for yourself, why do you
want kids?” or “You fill yourself with drugs and alcohol and expect others to
care for you. That’s not my problem. I’m leaving.” He had left. Years ago. He
said I was “too much” and that I was “draining” to be around. He hated me. I
knew deep down he probably didn’t like me. He stuck with me out of obligation. Just
like dismally annoying family members, you “had to” be there for them. They
were family, right? Graycen was family. He didn’t have to like me but he had to
be there for me. He loved me but he didn’t enjoy spending time with me. Lately,
Ella and him would go out and I would play the role of the bored house-wife. Didn’t
house-wives go crazy because they were isolated and treated like vermin? Why
was he treating me like this?
“Go
to hell,” I snapped.
Graycen
twisted my arm and a shooting blaze ricocheted down my shoulder.
“Now,
you are going to be nice and cordial. Got it?”
“Yes,”
I said.
I knew this game. Violence with violence. Dad had done it. Mom had done it. Now, finally, Graycen had used violence.
The
perfect, prodigal cop used violence on an innocent:
Me.