Like an ironic Greek
tragedy, the further I tried to push them apart, the closer they became. Ella
cried when she found out Jayden was in the hospital. I thought I did something
wrong. I hated to see her so upset. I had never seen her body shaking with
sobs. Her skin dried and became flaky. Her eyes were stained red. She barely
ate and had nightmares instead of sleep. I wanted to apologize but she didn’t
know it was me who did this terrible thing.
The weeks passed. I
drank more as Jayden recovered. Ella was with him every step of the way. She
took notes on all his medicines. She helped him dress, eat, and walk. She
visited his parent’s house and brought them flowers and chocolates. She spent
nights there sometimes. Graycen tried to stop me from drinking “too much” on
those nights. What did he know? He was a goody-two shoes idiot. I had confided
in dad. He approved. He said I did what needed to be done.
We got dinner every other day. It was refreshing to grab a drink and
shoot the shit. For the first time, I felt like he finally understood me.
Graycen kept nagging me like an old wife. Telling me I shouldn’t hang out with
him. How could I explain that I finally had my dad’s approval? He saw me as his
equal instead of his punching bag. Graycen mentioned Ella. I had to think about
her. I laughed. I only thought about her.
I came home late one night to find Chantel crying again. God, she was so
annoying. Couldn’t she get over it already?
“What’s wrong? I asked.
Her red-rimmed eyes glared at me. “I feel like a failure. You’ve raised
Ella more than I have. I’m her mother.”
“So what? At least she’s being raised properly,” I snapped.
“I really thought after Hersch was gone that would be it. He was the
problem. But it turns out the problem is me.”
“The problem isn’t you. It’s your shitty, pathetic, whiny-ass attitude.
I’ve dealt with all your problems for Ella’s sake,” I said.
Damn, Chantel was really scraping my nerves tonight. I crossed my
fingers that Ella wasn’t hearing any of this. Ironically, I found myself
wishing she was at Jayden’s house. Chantel cried harder. I groaned. This was
not how I wanted to spend my night.
“I just thought I would be doing better by now. I deserve something good
after all the bad things that have happened to me,” Chantel said.
“I hate to break it to you but the world doesn’t owe you anything for
your shitty life,” I said.
Graycen walked in at that exact moment. The wild look in his eyes told
me everything I needed know. I fucked up. Graycen grabbed my wrist. His nails
left angry red marks. He tossed me into the kitchen like I was the groceries.
“You cannot talk to her like that,” Graycen hissed.
“Why not? All I said was the truth,” I said.
“She is Ella’s mother. You need to keep her happy,” Graycen said.
He angrily washed the dishes. I sucked in a breath and my body held
coiled tension. The passive-aggressive air and thick clatter of glass reminded
me of my mother. The soap suds coated his hands and water flung onto the
countertops.
“Why? She hasn’t done anything for me,” I said.
Well, if I was being honest, she gave me Ella. My life. My Goddess. She
gave me something I wanted to protect. But she also gave me this burden of
protecting her. Because of Ella, I got Graycen back. I fixed things with mom. I
had a really good relationship with dad. I was loving life. But Chantel was
getting in the way of my happiness. Maybe I should let her sleep with her
knives. Maybe I shouldn’t protect her from herself. If she wants to die, who am
I to tell her no?
“She’s not here for you. She’s here for Ella. She supports Ella.”
“Ella could use a new role model.”
Graycen looked at me with such abhorrence that I flinched. He took a
step back. The kitchen lights flickered casting him in shadow. He grabbed my
wrist. A bruise bloomed like one of Ella’s watercolors.
“I want my Thunderbird back. You don’t deserve it,” Graycen hissed.
“Who are you to tell me what I deserve?”
“You think you protect others Daniel, but you are the storm.”
The blood left my body. How dare he?! How could he even think such a
thing? I raised Ella. I provided a safe home. I’m the reason Hersch Waters was
out of their lives. I saved them from Ricky’s gang. I filled in for Chantel. I
was the reason their lives were good.
“I think he’s right,” a voice said. I turned to see Chantel leaning
against the doorway.
I scowled. No one invited her to the party.
“Fine, take it back,” I said. I took the necklace off. The black thread
and small wooden carving sat on the floor like a broken child’s toy.
I left the house. The
rain felt good against my skin. Cleansing. I ran to dad’s house. It was far
away but the burn in my lungs felt good. My ribs strained against the flesh of
my chest. I ran until I couldn’t tell sweat from water. The lightning raced
across the sky with me. Each pump of blood in my veins matched the ferocity in
my heart.
Dad offered me a cold beer and I greedily gulped every last drop. I told
him of my problems like I was a child crying to their mother of unfair
treatment. I knew life wasn’t fair. But weren’t your
friends supposed to support you
unconditionally? Didn’t love mean unconditional agreement with your choices?
“It will fade with time,” he said.
“It will fade with another drink,” I snapped.
Dad smiled and poured me another. “Don’t worry. I’m here for you son.”