Ella. Ella.
Ella. Ella tasered me. Ella looked
at me with anger in her eyes. Ella was trying to protect Jayden from me. Did
she consider me an enemy? Ella the sunshine girl. Ella my hope. Ella the kind,
sweet, caring girl. Ella, the naïve girl. Ella who always gave love freely. The
Ella who cared about random strangers. The Ella who cared about me. Did
she not care? Why was she crying and angry? Could people feel multiple emotions
at once? What was happening?
Unsteady feet guided
me up. Residual tingles faded in my toes. Graycen pushed her back and took a
stance in front of me. As if I was a lion he was protecting his kids from. I lunged
again for Jayden and this time Graycen took me down. My face smashed into
pavement. Asphalt grated my arms like cheese. Warm and sticky blood dripped
from my mouth. Cold handcuffs snapped onto my wrists and the blaring red-blue
lights of the cop cars filled my sight.
Jail was not fun.
Sometime later, I was led into a court room. In this corrupt town, cops were
bribed and judges listened to gang leaders. Graycen led the charge but Ella
testified against me. I thought Dominic would vouch for me but he gave Ella a
nod. Were they working together? Was that why Jayden wasn’t harmed? Was Ella
the real leader of the White Cobras? Was Ella behind everything? Was her sweet
smile all fake? Everything was manipulation. They were all against me.
I caught a glimpse of
the paper on the way out. Did I have the same illness mom had? I thought I was
okay. I thought I was normal. There was no such thing as normal. I wanted to
jump and cry and hit something until it broke.
“Borderline
Personality Disorder may manifest itself as…” the psychiatrist said.
So, this was what mom
experienced? Did dad drink to cope with her problems? The drinking didn’t solve
anything though. It just transferred onto me. Had I been infected? Was that why
the doctor was rattling off medicines? I didn’t care about my psychological
issues. I cared about Ella. Did she care about me?
The door buzzed and my
prayers had been answered. Graycen and Ella. Graycen put his hand on her
shoulder. I didn’t need them. I had my beautiful new gilded cage of cushy walls
and Jell-O shots laced with happy pills.
“Hello Daniel.”
“Hello Ella.”
“I was worried about
you. Are you alright?”
“How can I be, when
you put me in here?” I seethed. Seeing her brought back all the feelings.
The nurse moved closer
and Ella motioned to them to stop. The nurse was a formidable, muscular man in
a pink, short-sleeved nurse’s uniform. Did Ella bribe him?
“You lose grip on
reality sometimes. I’m glad to see you’re feeling a bit better,” she said.
“I think I hate you,”
I said.
She smiled.
I was moved to another
room. It was quite spacious. I could see the train station. Every day I watched
people go about their daily lives unencumbered by time. They could live in
freedom while I was inside a concrete cage. I would see Ella pass by
occasionally. She never visited anymore. Graycen would stop by from time to
time but it wasn’t the same. Something fundamental had changed, but I didn’t
know what. I watched through the little window every day. I got to see the
trains go by. It was amazing. I could think and be out of my head. I could sit
and watch life go by and not be involved in it. The rattle of the tracks and
the piercing whistles became my schedule.
One day, I saw Ella.
She was with Jayden. Chantel and Graycen were seeing them off with
thousand-wattage smiles on their faces. It was raining and a faint song was
playing in my head.
Ella and Jayden
carried their umbrellas and boarded the train together.