A year had passed. We told Ella a tree fell
into the house and that’s why we had to move. The new house was bigger. There
was room for all three of us. Ella helped me plant marigold and jasmine
outside. It was getting harder and harder to hide things from her. She was
smart. Chantel and I would talk in hushed tones and in dark corners but her
light always seemed to find us. We almost let it slip that Chantel had killed
Hersh. What a disaster that would’ve been. As far as she knew, her father was
still in jail. I handed Ella a shovel and she dug up the soft, spongey earth.
“Do you guys need help?” Graycen asked.
“No thanks,” Ella smiled.
Graycen put his hands in the air. “Whatever the
young lady says.”
Ella laughed as I handed her seeds.
Graycen was an integral part of the house now. I
couldn’t imagine my life without him. I forgot why we stopped being friends for
so long.
Graycen came back with lemonade. The ice
clinked against the glass. Condensation crept up the sides and steam rolled off
the drink. It was tangy and sweet. The afternoon sun warmed my skin. It had
been a while since it rained. I almost wanted a thunderstorm. It was a heady
addiction. Danger was built in my blood. I couldn’t get away from it. Chantel
would be awoken from nightmares every once in a while. I told her to describe
them to me. She saw Hersch lying in a pool of blood. She saw Ella be taken
away. She saw me being electrocuted. In the darkness of her bedroom, I would
lick my lips and try to imagine the taste of blood. Her words would wash over
me and I would desperately wish to be in a fight. Dad was retired and mom was
in her apartment. I was living a life I could’ve never dreamed of.
Everything was perfect and I hated it.
I had everything I ever wanted and I still
wasn’t satisfied. Peace was boring. My fingers twitched for something more
visceral than family game night. Maybe I should switch professions and become a
cop then I could protect Ella. But they wouldn’t let me in even with Earl’s
recommendation; I was too much trouble. Instead of taking out a cigarette, I
ploughed my hands through the dirt and helped Ella with the roots of a plant. Ella
filled the void within me. She made me feel complete but I still lacked purpose.
Before I met Ella, my purpose was surviving my father. Then my purpose was to
get rid of Hersch Waters. I had Ella but I missed the chase, the journey. Striving
for a goal was always better than the goal itself. I didn’t know what I wanted
anymore.
Wasn’t a child supposed to be fulfilling?